


Of First Times and Last Times

by Isaac_Potato



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, heavily implied, i definitely cried writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 19:52:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15848229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isaac_Potato/pseuds/Isaac_Potato
Summary: For every first time, there must be a last time.Remus knows this all too well.





	Of First Times and Last Times

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after reading PoA for the second time and just feeling some Marauder vibes. It isn’t the best but it’s something.

Their first time with James was Remus’s first time ever. It was the last week of their 6th year, and James and Sirius told Remus time and time again that they wouldn’t let Remus into their 7th year a virgin.

When Remus eventually told them to lay off, that he would find someone he wanted, when he wanted them, they did. In retrospect, Remus should have thought this through more.

Remus walked into the dorm room one night after dinner, having finally shaken off Peter in the common room after he would not stop asking where James and Sirius were, even though Remus told him over and over that he had no idea where the two were. There was no way Remus would know that James and Sirius would be waiting for Remus, half naked, on Remus’s bed. There was no way Remus could know that James and Sirius were waiting for Remus half naked in Remus’s bed, kissing each other so frantically that they didn’t even hear the door open.

Remus should have left. He should have turned around and joined Peter, who was talking to Frank and Alice by the fire, and forgot the entire encounter. 

But before Remus could even make a run for it, Sirius turned his head towards Remus from under James’s body, looked into his eyes, bit his lip, and beckoned him closer by holding his hand out. Now Remus really should have run, should have run out of the room, out of the portrait hole, down the the Great Hall, and tried to convince himself that this was all some sort of bad dream. But he didn’t. He did what he always did when it came to James and Sirius. He gave in.

Closing the door behind him he walked into the room. His heart was pounding out of his chest as he approached his two best friends, who were both shifting to a sitting position. He was terrified. But he trusted these two with his life. They pulled him onto the bed between them, and they pulled off his robes. They always went to great lengths for Remus. They became Anamagi for him. They spent full moons with him. They spent mornings after the full moon with him. They were currently unbuttoning his shirt...

Everything happened in a blur. From them taking off Remus’s trousers, to James’s fingers inside of him, to Sirius sliding into him. It all happened in flashes. Remus trusted them with his life. He trusted them with this. And when it was all over, when they had pulled the curtains over Remus’s four poster closed, when they had cuddled up to him and fallen asleep, Remus thought he could get used to this. That he would definitely do this again.

And, like always, James and Sirius never let him down.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their last time with James was the night before James’s first date with Lily. James had told the two of them that he wanted one last time. One last go before he went with Lily. Sirius and Remus complied.

They loved James, and James loved Lily, and the two of them belonged together, and Sirius and Remus weren’t going to hold James back from this just because they didn’t want this this to end. Just because they didn’t want James to leave them. Just because they didn’t want the mind blowingly amazing sex to stop, the kind that made you laugh into your orgasms, the kind that made you happy and made you feel amazing no matter what kind of mood you were in.

They couldn’t stop James from having Lily, no matter what it would cost them. They were happy for James.

But when they were unclothed and sweaty, and leaning on each other, and breathing hot breath into each other’s mouths, it was hard not to feel a little sorry for themselves. Sorry that they wouldn’t get this anymore. Sorry that they would be alone, only two thirds of something so amazing. And as James cried out his release into Sirius’s shoulder, no matter how sorry for themselves they felt, they had to agree on one thing.

Lily was going to be one lucky girl.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their first time without James happened a month after that first date. Sirius and Remus were definitely closer, but they didn’t want to be together that way without James. They didn’t want to be together without that third person, who was always there, who never left them alone.

But one night, while James was with Lily and Peter was on a date with some Hufflepuff girl, and Sirius and Remus were alone in their dorm room, Sirius crossed the threshold and kissed Remus hard on the mouth. 

Remus instinctively leaned back, just as he did so many times with Sirius and James, but the fact that it was just Sirius made it that much more intimate. It made it that much more wonderful. A flame of guilt started licking Remus’s insides, guilt that he was enjoying this without James here, guilt that he realized he didn’t need James here. But the same way that flame was licking his insides, Sirius was licking down his chest. 

It was weird without James. But it was wonderful with Sirius, and if that scared Remus in any way, it was quickly ignored with Sirius’s bites on his thighs and his fingers curled in his hair. They loved James. They needed James for a lot of different reasons. But they didn’t need James for this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their last time without James was on Halloween morning, 1981. 

Remus had just showered when Sirius jumped him, as hyperactive as always. 

It was quick. They laughed as Sirius pushed Remus back on the bed. 

They laughed as Sirius’s hair tickled Remus’s thighs and they laughed as Sirius teased him.

“Knock it off Padfoot” Remus giggled as Sirius swallowed him down.

Their last time without James had been just that. 

Their last time, ever, with James in their lives.

And as Sirius crawled up Remus’s body, they were both blissfully unaware that somewhere, quiet little Peter was betraying the one thing that had been a constant in their lives.

And when Remus got news of it later, that Sirius had been carted off to Azkaban for killing James, Remus couldn’t believe that they were just laughing together this morning. Couldn’t believe that Sirius was the one to ignore all the times the three had been with each other in school.

Couldn’t believe that the only two constants in his life, had left him forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their first time after Sirius broke out of Azkaban happened in Grimmauld Place. Remus offered to stay there with Sirius, in the house he despised.

It was after the Order had left the first night they were there, although it was already well into the next morning. It was before Molly and her kids showed up with Hermione. It was after Sirius had just kicked Kreacher out of his room.

Remus had backed Sirius up into the door and kissed him like the last 12 years never happened. Kissed him like they were still in school, like they had never left each other, like Remus had never believed Sirius had been guilty, like Sirius had never been on the run, like this couldn’t have happened sooner. 

They fell onto Sirius’s dusty old bed, it creaked threateningly under their weight but they wouldn’t dare let go of each other. They wouldn’t dare leave each other again. 

They barely let each other up for air. They kicked off pants and pulled off shirts, and still, they kept their lips connected, as if they let each other go they’d never see each other again. They kissed each other like they were the only sources of air in the entire world.

They’ll deny it till their dying days, the wetness flowing on their cheeks between each other. Their faces, once full of life, now pale and hallow, marked with their years apart from each other, years where they should have been kissing each other, and loving each other, and instead were stuck alone, with no one to hold, no one to be there for them.

They kissed each other that night in a way that meant sorry. A whispered apology for things they couldn’t put into words. An acceptance of an apology in a way that was better than any words they couldn’t have said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their last time after Sirius broke out of Azkaban had been on the morning before Harry Potter broke out of Hogwarts on the back of a thestral and broke into the department of mysteries.

It was quick. It was full of laughter as Sirius pushed Remus back onto his bed. 

They laughed as Sirius’s hair tickled Remus’s thighs, and they laughed as Sirius teased him.

A giggled “knock it off, Padfoot” echoed through the room as Sirius swallowed him down. 

Their last time after Sirius had broken out of Azkaban had been just that. Their last time.

This story doesn’t have a happy ending. 

Remus watched Sirius in the Department of Mysteries and Remus watched Sirius fall through the veil, a ghost of laughter playing on his lips, as the ghost of laughter pounded against Remus’s skull like a drum. 

Sirius had joined James. 

Remus was alone, once more, and he couldn’t believe it.

Couldn’t believe that his one constant in his life, had really left him. Forever.


End file.
